Shotgun

Okay, so today I tried something new. I don't know if I should be freaked out by it or proud of myself. I feel a bit of both, actually.

I have a fear of guns (meaning that I'm so freaked out by them I have these crazy half-nightmares (it's a nightmare but you're not totally asleep) about guns and my kids getting in the way or guns and me accidentally getting in the way...)... ANYWAY, I'm up near Jackson Hole and my husband's cousins are all up here as well. And they hunt. Big animals and small animals. Just you understand how much hunting is a part of thier family one of the brothers gave his 10-yr old a 12-gauge shotgun for Christmas. Now this scares my friends when I tell them this. But I'll say this - they have NO other guns (minus the paintball gun) around the house - not even water guns. Guns are NOT toys EVER in that house. Guns are for hunting animals ONLY and can ONLY be touched, looked at or talked about with another adult around (preferably one who uses guns as well).

So I was over at their cabin this evening and M was out shooting squirrels with his Grandpa (my MIL's lil' brother). I ended up staying with them for a bit and we saw 3 squirrels. I tried shooting one of them.

Let's talk for a bit about this experience.  I didn't have much time to think about it. Grandpa T knew I had talked to Wendy about wanting to come over while they shoot the squirrels and so he handed over the shotgun and said Okay, GO FOR IT! He did have to help me a bit, but I was given the gun, he cocked it (or whatever it is that you do with it) and then I aimed and FIRED.

HOLY COW.

Let me also say that INSTINCTIVELY I shut my eyes when I pulled the trigger! So yes, I missed the little guy. My 10 yr old cousin, M, (or whatever he is to me - a 2nd cousin once removed??) got the gun after me - pointed, aimed and fired within a few seconds and totally got the squirrel. He was so excited about it.

My arm and shoulder were sore for a bit afterwards. I didn't realize a gun that size had so much OOMPH to it. Who knew? I mean, other than gun people. I had no clue. It didn't look that big (this wasn't the 12-gauge, btw... I don't know what it was exactly). It was on the thinner side - long and thin. But man did it pack a punch. It scared me to death to handle it. But I feel like to get over these stupid thoughts/fears about guns that do keep me up at night - I should get to know guns a bit better. Not 100% better -- just a bit.

M then went and found 2 more squirrels - shot at them and missed. After that we went back to the cabin and I hung out for a bit over there. It was nice getting away from our house and spending time with other people than my children. Not that I don't love them but 24/7 is a bit much for me.

I am realizing that I am the type of person who needs some downtime from people. I like my alone space. August is going to be rough month when we get home. First we'll be transitioning to being back in our little place; secondly we'll be gone from family on both sides; the weather is different but most of all - there is nothing to do unless I plan something EVERY SINGLE DAY AND EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. Oh man alive. When can we live in a neighborhood with a gazillion kids so I don't have to plan playdates and drive all over so my kids can play with friends? My 2 kids 24/7 with no break until bedtime is going to be crazy. ARGH. I'm scared for it already.

Here's my latest question for myself:
Which am I more scared of GUNS or 24/7 care for my kids for a month?

Oh brother. It's hard to say. Both give me heartburn and nightmares.

I'll have to write if I end up shooting anything again.